3 Things....whatnots

Ok here we go.. the three things you may or may not want to know... copied from Judy...

Three screen names that you have had: WyldMustangAngel, AloneAngel, TMA aka TakeMeAway

Three things you like about your self: My eyes, my voice, my brain

Three things you don’t like about your self: The places you can see, The places you can't see, The 300 lbs hiding on my ass

Three parts of your heritage: Dunno.... I'm adopted

Three things that scare you: Snakes, Spiders, Being Alone

Three everyday essentials: toothbrush, hair brush, My Pillow

Three things you are wearing right now: Red Tank Top, Jean shorts, Italian Charm bracelets

Three of your current favorite songs: Holy Water~Big & Rich, Come A Little Closer~ DB, Pickin' Wildflowers~ Keith Anderson

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: Losing about 300 lbs hidden on my ass, Find a man worth spending time with, Listen to Holy Water and not have it hurt

Three things you want in a relationship: respect, love, passion

Two truths and a lie, in no particular order--I'm not sure what my natural hair color is, I'm afraid of dirty dishwater, I love horror films

Three things you can’t do without: My daughter, Air conditioning, Sugar

Three places you want to go on vacation: Nashville, Australia, Anywhere big women are considered gorgeous (thinking that place only exists in my dreams)

Three things you just can’t do: give up hope of falling in love, whistle, forget my past

Three kids names: Elizabeth Faith, Anna Charity, Jacob Earle

Three things you want to do before you die: See my daughter grown and happy, Fall in love, Have more children

Three Celeb crushes: John Rich, Billy Currington, Heath Ledger (yummmmmmmm)

Three people you want to know these things about: Cheryl, Kim, Elaine

You're looking for a pair of WHAT??????

Ok so first things first... went to MN... Eric you suck (in case you ever find this) pig a$$.... Judy thanks for the bed that weekend! Loved meeting your mom... and FINALLY meeting D. Not to mention certain co-workers! A-hem! Glad I could addict you to a couple more alcoholic beverages! lol I think I'll summarize the trip purely in random quotes....

"I've decided what I'm wearing to my funeral, can you take me to the funeral home when we get back?" ~ My grandmother to me in the middle of 4:00 Fri downtown Kansas City traffic

"I think I'm in Medford... I left my phone there" ~ Me to Judy

"Ok so what do you think.. gay/not gay?" ~ Judy

"How can a liquor store NOT know what Hot Damn is????!" ~ Me at the backwoods imitation liqor place

"We still have the bottles of Strawberry wine!"

"Aw c'mon don't you want a pair of fuzzy balls hanging out your ass?"

"I really only bought it for Billy Currington, Heather wanted to see it"

"Anyone wnat a penis on a stick? They're cherry flavored!"

"You will be happy to know I urinated all over the place up there!"

"Quick move! My friend can't see..."

"It seems like we're missing a remote"

"Mmmmm Robbie... now there's a man that needs to wear more towels!"

Ok so there's the highlights... I know I'm forgetting some waiting so long to get to this...

Next topic!!! I got back and landed myself 2 weeks without a home phone thus no internet... long story not gonna go there!

I have officially come to the conclusion that I am no longer capable of getting drunk. My theory is that my ass has gotten so big that the alcohol gets stuck there and decides not to move!

Judy.. thanks for the laughs.. you know I don't mind our 4,5, 6 hour phone calls at all! Like you said.. if we talked everyday, we'd have nothing to say! ok so I guess I'll explain the phone call you mentioned in your blog.. please feel free to refer others to here if they REALLY want to know...

I had THE WEIRDEST customer phone call I have ever had in my entire life... I was covering the rest of softlines (clothing departments) when I was paged to take a call for intimate appareal... the call went something like this....

"Hi this is Heather, how can I help you?"

"Is this the lingerie dept?"

"Yes it is, how can i help you?"

"Ummm this is gonna sound odd, but I want to get my girlfriend a gift, and she wants specific panties but I'm too embarrased to come and ask in person."

"O-K, do you know the name of what you're looking for?"

"She wants some boy leg... what do those look like?"

LOL " They look alot like shorts but show the bottom out the leg of them."

"You mean like the ass hangs out?"

"Yes that's them. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Umm well... there is another kind she wants too, but I don't know what they are.. but I think she called them TOE PANTIES."

(ok so I had to think about that for a second... then it hit me... HOLY SHIT... Just HOW do yhou explain that in a room full of people?)

"Welllllll sir.... I'm not sure how to explain them deilicately.... maybe you'd be better off to go to Priscilla's or After Dark Video and ask them for some."

"It's ok you can tell me bluntly, what are they?"

"Sir I'm in public at the moment, but I'll try to explain... you see the fabic is cut and sewn with an extra crease to purposely make the skin stand out more."

"huh? What skin? You mean like her (whispered) cunt lips?"

(all I could think was omg.... just hang up.... just hang up....)

"Welll ummm yes... it molds them to look like a camel's toe"

"Ohhhhhhhh I think she has some... they are really tight around her (whispered again) cunt lips... They make her (whispered yet again) cunt lips stick out."

"Yes sir that's them. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

(please say no, please no, please say no)

"Nope think I got it figured out"

well that's the sum of it.... in all my years of retail, I've never had a phone call like that in my life!