I see I haven't posted here in a long time. Not since around the time Bobby ran off. Now I find myself feeling like I'm living in a repeat of him, still wishing I had the guts to act out in the way I'm being treated. I just can't do it.

I left Wichita a year ago because I fell in love. Now I'm sitting here in tears as usual. I don't have anyone to talk to, and the one time I finally do talk to someone I used to know, it gets perceived as I'm doing something wrong. I wish! I wish i could talk myself into it! Nooooooo instead I cry myself to sleep every night, lonely wondering if he's busy talking or texting someone else. I wish I could bring myself that low to do that back to him, I wih I had done it to Bobby. I could just die every time I think about those 3 yrs. Wasted. Unloved, unwanted, unneeded, used and left like yesterday's trash. Now I'm being forced to feel that way again, and the one person I could find that knew about ehat happened to me, I can't even talk to because I only know of one place to find him and his wife.

If I didn't have Aleia I think I'd really just lay down and let my heart stop beating cause I can't take this much longer. I feel like nothing, a nobody, not even good enough for touching.